Round 44

Round 44
Winner 🥇
Player:	Wurstmeyer
Dominion:	Winton, 1 year, violating 50m restraining order
Race:	Goblin
Second 🥈
Name:	Gorgh
Dominion:	Dark Mines
Race:	Goblin
Third 🥉
Name:	Lud
Dominion:	Dominion Players Ruined Dating Sims
Race:	Icekin
General
Changes:	Round 44/Changes
Valhalla:	Link

Round 44 Draft

Round 44 Draft

Top 100 Results

Round 44 top 100

Round 44 - Realm #4 Win Story

Wurst: Damdred, our draft captain and undisputed MVP of the pen, took it upon himself to write our round win story — not as a dry recap, but as a full-on Bluey episode script, staying true to our team's theme. Sly and me added our annotations for future readers and OpenDominion purists who might want to decode the references or just relive the round. I will post here a combination of all three versions. On Sly’s Page (Traditional Story) you will find the purist form, on Damdreds the Bluey Scripts alone. Enjoy!

Damdred: Forward: Our round win could not be complete without thanking the man behind it all and contributing the most to it. Thank you, McGeal, without you, we couldn’t have won.

Damdred: While this is an odd format for the winner story, I had fun doing it, it was time-consuming, and I had some editing help even to get it into the correct format. Special thanks to Wurst for adding his notes to make it more easily understood and something that will stand the test of time in this game. This assembled team was excellent and something that should be aspired to. We made the game boring for over a month, we sacrificed our doms' scores to get the win, we changed sleeping patterns, and we dedicated our time and energy to one another. I could not have asked for a better team.

Draft Round Team & Races

Wurst: Damdred and I thought we had good chances to win the FA setup if we get the right draftpicks. We also thought that Snare is broken with a 5+ blop pack and that a draft round potentially secures us such a setup. Hence we picked a couple of strong FA (Dan (Lyc), Sizz (Liz), Me (Goblin)) and added 2 strong midspeed players (Sly (Spirit), Damdred (Orc)) that were supposed to use our runaway position to secure the endgame.

We topped that with the amazing explorers/bloppers (DaveTheGoliath, Psychosophy , Cosula, Extravadanza). We also picked KingTitus who wanted to attack I think. Then we had Dishess in our realm randomed. A buddy of Damdred who joined the blopsquad.

Few words about my strat.

The plan was to play a Wolfrider (WR) OOP attacker — using GN to offset WR’s high cost. I started with a high GN Lyc sim that Rio made a few rounds ago and tweaked it for my needs. But my tweaks left me with about 600 draftees at OOP that I didn’t actually need for DP.

That caught my attention.

Then I remembered what MDK told me last round: “The way to win with Goblins is Raiders.” To which I — always the reflective gentleman — replied: “Forget Goblins, they suck.” The result after adding massive raiders at +0? An OOP attacker that gave up its 9-hour, but broke any DP sheet at +9. I’d hoped for a massive opener — and Chunk didn’t disappoint: a clean 125% hit gave me a solid land lead. I used the surplus in drafts to push 1:1 elite/raider mix and would pivot from it once I either run or need to push 5:4 for our mid speed races.

Episode 1: "Dantheman Abandons" Episode Length: 7 minutes

[Opening Scene – The Playroom] Bluey, Bingo, and their friends are setting up a big board game called OverDominon, full of tokens, dice, mini castles, and “Feeders” made from cereal boxes. Muffin: “Okay, team, four hits and a dream!” Bingo: “Feeders are giving away free land!” Wurst (Wearing a winner's crown): “Long live the Realm!” Everyone cheers and rolls the dice. The game is going well.

[Scene – Imagination Sequence Begins] The board transforms into a magical battlefield, with floating castles and glowing golden artifacts. Dantheman (played by Bluey’s cousin Dan in golden armor) has a shiny staff called Midas and Ares. Narrator (Muffin): “It was a good day in the Realm. Everyone was training. Feeders were generous to other realms, sadly. The war plan was solid.” [Scene – Castle Command Post] Wurst and Damdred are talking about the main character (Bluey, Dan) Wurst: “Hey… where’s Dan’s Midas?” Muffin: “Wait… he let it drop?!” They rush to the Communication Tower (a cardboard box with wires and blinking lights) without Dan's reply. Muffin: “I’ll try the Phone Scroll. And the Text Crystal!” The magic scroll lights up. Dantheman quickly casts Midas. Muffin: “Phew! That was close…”

[Nightfall – In the Realm] The moon is up. The others are training. But Dantheman’s castle is quiet. Muffin: “Still no training?” Winton: “Something’s wrong…” Bandit (as Realm Wizard): “He’s gone dark. The sauce got him.” [Flashback – Dantheman at a Tavern] Dantheman clinks two tiny glasses and immediately falls asleep under the table.

[Next Morning – The Battlefield] The team gathers. Dantheman stumbles in, looking guilty. Dantheman: “I… got into the sauce. Two drinks. Sorry.” Bingo (concerned): “But the Realm! The round!” Muffin (sighs): “It’s over for him. He’s abandoning.” They all look downcast. [Sudden Entry – Titus (Marcos in a dramatic helmet)] Titus (shouting): “DANTHEMAN, YOU NINCOMPOOP! WE NEEDED YOU!” Everyone freezes. Bandit calmly: " Okay, deep breaths, team…”

[Later – The Strategy Table] The Realm places a mini flag where Dantheman’s castle used to be. The team is quiet. Muffin: “It’s frustrating. But maybe this is better than feeding out.” Bingo: “Yeah… I still like Dantheman. He’s just not ready for this quest.” Bandit: “Even in games, sometimes teammates mess up. What matters is how we move forward.” [Cutaway – Strategy Map Wall] Realm 9: “Liz and Lyc” Realm 12: “Liz and Halfer” Realm 2 or 8: “Possible Jmercs Realm (Don’t poke the bear)” Muffin (thinking): “Lots of strong realms out there. We’ll have to be smart.”

[Closing Scene – The Backyard] They put away the game pieces, but leave Dantheman’s helmet on the table, like a little tribute. Bluey (smiling): “Next round, we stick together. No sauce. No slips.” Bingo: “And no yelling!” Titus (off-screen): “I HEARD THAT!” Everyone laughs. [End Theme Plays]

Title: “Winton's Big Hit” Episode Length: 7 minutes

[Opening Scene – The Backyard] Muffin, Bingo, Snickers, and Winton are gathered around a massive hand-drawn board on the grass. It’s a fantasy game called “Open Dominion.” In the background, a hand-drawn picture of Bluey can be seen, with him under a table asleep, never forgotten. Snickers: “The Feeders are open again! We can take their land!” Muffin: “Only if we work together. No rogue missions!” Winton (excited): “Let me try this time! I’ve got a plan!” They all look at him doubtfully. Bingo: “Are you sure? Last time you… accidentally conquered your realm.” Winton gulps. “I’m ready. This time, I brought a map.” Bandit (walking by with a rake): “Ooh, a big strategy day, huh?”

[Scene – Imagination Realm Begins] The backyard transforms into a sprawling, magical battlefield with glowing paths and giant scrolls. Winton becomes General Winton, a brave but chaotic tactician, transforming into a go-kart. Narrator (Snickers): “There was tension in the Realm. Without Winton doing well, the realm was doomed.” The team is gathered around a war table (made from an old door). A giant 50m scroll floats, marked "Restraining Order." Bluey (serious): “That scroll says Winton can’t go near Realm #3…” Winton: “I’m not going near. I’m going through!”

[Scene – The Big Move] Winton charges toward the map’s center. Dramatic music plays (hummed by Bingo). A die is thrown. Snickers (gasping): “Winton’s hit! Realm 3 is falling! Look!” Winton’s little cardboard sword lights up (with a battery-powered fairy light). Land tiles flip over dramatically. Bingo: “Winton just took 61 tiles from Daniel Michael DeVito Jr.! That’s our biggest hit ever!”

[Scene – The Celebration] The Realm erupts into cheers. Confetti (leaves) flies through the air. Snickers does a spin. Bluey: “We’re streaking! We’re streaking up the leaderboard!” Bandit (as Wizard Judge): “Victory declared! No chance of retaliation! Realm 3... is toast!” Winton beams with pride.

[Scene – Quiet Moment by the Tower] Snickers and Winton sit on the steps of the Feeder Tower (a large upside-down laundry basket). Winton: “I didn’t think I could do it…” Snickers (smiling): “Well, you broke a 50m restraining scroll, but it was heroic.” Winton: “Does this mean I’m a real Winner now?” Snickers: “You’ve always been one.”

A Fast Start

During the Draft Podcast, we were told that our team looked scary on paper — but also like a prime candidate for drama and early abandonments. Naturally, we laughed it off. And then… came OOP.

Dan made his first hit and, just two hours later, dropped Midas. Alarm bells rang. We had Damdred call him up, and Dan told us — cheerfully, we might add — that he was out drinking with a buddy, had cast Midas, and trained rats. Then he vanished again, apparently blackout drunk. After no training the whole evening and night as a small acres lyc attacker his round was sadly over. And since he nearly had no dp incoming and he needed every draftee for dp we figured he would be more likely to feed than to be of help. Oopsie.

Sly: OOP for us went well, if a bit uneventful, until we realized Dan was inactive. I got my hit pretty early on, Damdred’s Orc got 3 hits, Wurst made a solid hit. The real fireworks came with our second hits, which set the tone really for the rest of the round. Wurst had the great idea to try to catch some larger doms with the 9-hour capability of Gobbo (with spec OP from OOP), and did just that to great effect. Sizz also made a nice first hit, and my Spirit managed a player hit for my second hit.

2025-04-06 09:59:52 Victorious on the battlefield, Winton, 1 year, violating 50m restraining order (#4) conquered 61 land from Daniel Michael DeVito Jr. (#3).

This hit ended up being really important IMO because 3 Dwarf (Chunk) looked very strong later in the round, and we ended up feeling the need to fireball him later.

2025-04-07 11:00:24 Bluey, indicted, pulled Val Kilmer's plug (#4) has been abandoned by its ruler.

Title: "Timeout Trouble"

Episode Length: 7 minutes

[Opening Scene – The Backyard] Bluey and Bingo are playing a game called Realm Defenders. They’re wearing capes and holding cardboard swords. Their dog dad, Bandit, is helping build a cardboard “Feeder Tower.” Bluey: “We have to protect the Realm! The Feeders are under attack!” Bingo: “Quick, activate the Information Ops!” Bandit (in a silly villain voice): “Mwahaha! I’m Lord Leaky! I’m going to mess up your whole system!” [Scene – Imagination Transition] Suddenly, the cardboard world transforms into a grand fantasy realm. The sky darkens. Sir Dantheman (Bluey) rides a flying dragon, while Knight Marcos (a significant, proud pup character) patrols the skies. Narrator (Bluey): “Last week, the Realm faced a terrible betrayal…” [Flashback Sequence] Marcos swoops down and scolds Dantheman for falling asleep on dragon duty. Marcos (sternly): “How can you guard the Realm if you’re snoring in the clouds, Dantheman?! You’re letting us all down!” Dantheman looks hurt and droops his ears. [Scene – Present Day in the Realm] Suddenly, the Realm wakes up to a shock. Bingo (gasps): “Knight Marcos is in... TIMEOUT?!” Everyone in the Realm runs around in a frenzy—the Feeder Tower wobbles. The cardboard guards panic. Bandit (as Rulekeeper): “A message from the Rules Committee! Knight Marcos has been… information sharing without the Info Ops!” Bluey: “He did hits on the Feeders without telling anyone?!” Bingo (confused): “But… that’s against the Realm Code!” Bandit: “He’s going to permanent timeout, I’m afraid.” [Scene – The Realm Meeting Circle] The defenders gather around. Dantheman (Bluey) stands up. Bluey: “Even if Marcos was mean, he was still part of the Realm. And now we’ve lost two knights…” Bingo: “What do we do now?” Bandit (kindly): “Sometimes people break the rules, even if they didn’t mean to. But rules help keep the Realm safe for everyone.” Bluey (thoughtful): “I guess… even heroes need to follow the rules.” [Scene – Return to Backyard Reality] The cardboard Realm is a little quiet now. Two of the knight costumes lie empty on the ground. Bluey: “We’ll keep playing. And make sure everyone knows the rules next time.” Bingo: “Yeah. And maybe we give Dantheman a nap break once in a while.” Bandit (smiling): “Good thinking, Realm Defenders.”

[Closing Shot] Bluey and Bingo tape a little scroll to the Feeder Tower that says: “Realm Code: Always Share Info. Never Yell. Take Naps.” They laugh and run off into a new adventure. [End Theme Plays]

Title: "Muffin's Move" Episode Length: 7 minutes

[Opening Scene – The Living Room] Bluey, Bingo, Snickers, Winton, and Muffin are huddled around a “Strategy Mat” made of blankets, board game tiles, and cereal box castles. Bandit’s lounging nearby with a cup of coffee, casually observing. Muffin (pacing): “Okay, we’ve got a situation… Atilla the Lizard just took a HUGE bite out of Realm 6!” Bluey (pointing at the map): “Look at all that land! Is he trying to win everything?!” Winton: “He might’ve left his back door open…” Snickers: “But your army is only… 12 stronger than his defense. If he invests—” Muffin (cutting in): “I know! That’s why we have to plan. Now!” Bandit (smiling): “Wow. Someone's serious about Realm Defense today.”

[Scene – Imagination Realm Begins] The house becomes a vast command center in the clouds. Muffin is General Muffinia, sitting in a floating throne surrounded by glowing blue war maps. Everyone is in fantasy gear—Snickers with spy goggles, Winton with scrolls, Bingo with a logic wand, and Bandit as the Realm Historian. Narrator (Muffin): “It was a day of long councils. Atilla the Lizard had taken land—too much land—and left his realm exposed.” Bingo: “We need to calculate our magic force again.” Winton: “Plus or minus twelve points… If he even sneezes on defense, we’re doomed.” Snickers: “We’ve been running numbers for four hours. We’re out of juice!” Bandit (helpfully): “Want me to bring some juice?” Muffin: “No! There’s no time for juice!”

[Sudden Twist – The Scroll Alert Sounds] The glowing scroll on the wall flashes red. Everyone gasps. Bluey: “The Big Lizard—he’s been HIT! By the Joy of Magic Realm!” Winton: “That Realm is like... the wizard kings! How did they sneak through?!” Snickers: “Atilla left even less defense than we thought!” Muffin’s eyes glow. She stands up dramatically. Muffin (epically): “There’s no more waiting. It’s time.” She slams her hand onto the glowing red INVADE button.

[Scene – The Invasion] Fireworks explode from the clouds. A glowing number “72” appears above Muffinia’s flying castle. The land flips colors from green to pink. Bandit (amazed): “Seventy-two?! That’s huge!” Bingo: “We’ve never hit that much before!” Snickers (whispering): “It’s Muffin’s moment…” Muffin (grinning): “I told you I was good at this game.”

[Closing Scene – Backyard] The kids remove their capes and gently stack their fantasy pieces in a box. Muffin holds onto her “72 Land Token” and smiles. Winton: “So… now what?” Muffin (proudly): “Now I rest. My part of the tale… is over.” Bandit (chuckling): “That’s one way to go out. With a bang.” Bluey: “She’ll never let us forget it.” Muffin: “You're right! I won’t!” Everyone laughs. [End Theme Plays]

Title: "Just One More Hit" Episode Length: 7 minutes

[Opening Scene – The Dining Room Table] Everyone’s back at work: game pieces, paper flags, and dice cover the table. Muffin’s wearing a homemade “72” medal around her neck. Bingo (drawing with a marker): “We’re so close to the top of the leaderboard!” Snickers: “But Realm 9 is still out there… with way too many draftees.” Winton (nervous): “Draftees are scary…” Bandit (adjusting his glasses): “That’s why you’ll need everyone.” Bluey (grinning): “Well, let’s do it together.”

[Scene – Imagination Realm Begins] A fantasy orchestral swell plays. The dining table transforms into a sky-battleship deck, with everyone dressed in sleek black stealth armor. A glowing silhouette of Al-twixander the Great looms in the clouds, made of stacked dice and popcorn armor. Narrator (Bingo): “There were a lot of great attacks this round. So many, we couldn’t even name them all…” [Cut to dreamy flash scenes of Snickers spinning into action, Bingo casting lightning, and Winton tiptoeing across a trap-laden bridge.] Narrator: “But today’s story… is about making magic together.”

[Scene – The Strategy Bridge] Bandit and Frisky are scanning the horizon from a tall crow’s nest (a stepladder with tinsel). Frisky (pointing): “There! Al-twixander The Great! Too many draftees, not enough troops!” Bandit (to the team): “He doesn’t know we can reach him. But it’ll take everyone.” Bingo: “Are we sure this’ll work?” Snickers: “Only if we stab, stab, stab!” Everyone stares. Snickers (shrugging): “What? That’s the plan!”

[Scene – The Assassination Run] The lights dim to “night mode.” Sneaky music plays. Each kid takes a turn “striking” on the board with chopsticks, plucking tokens from Al-twixander’s stacks. Muffin (whispering): “Go now, before he notices!” Snickers: “Slice!” Bingo: “Zap!” Winton (giggling): “Poke!” With each move, the tower of popcorn armor crumbles. Bandit (dramatically): “And then… came Winton.”

[Scene – Victory Shot] Winton steps forward, his cardboard sword now upgraded with stickers. A golden glow surrounds him. Narrator (Bluey): “Victorious on the battlefield, Winton, age 1, violating the 50m restraining scroll, conquered 112 lands from Al-twixander the Great.” BOOM! Glitter explodes (cut-up paper confetti). The board erupts in cheers. Muffin: “That’s our biggest hit yet!” Snickers: “We’re on top!” Bingo: “Just one more hit!” Everyone starts chanting softly: “One more hit… one more hit…”

[Closing Scene – The Couch Fort] They gather inside a couch fort they’ve turned into “Realm HQ.” Muffin hands Winton a tiny sticker that says “112.” Juane: “We wouldn’t have done it without everyone.” Bandit (smiling): “That’s the thing about magic—it’s better when it’s shared.” Winton: “What do we do now?” Snickers: “Easy. Just… one more hit!” Everyone laughs and dives into a pile of cushions. [End Theme Plays]

Title: "Frosty Loves to Give" Episode Length: 7 minutes

[Opening Scene – The Treehouse] Bluey, Bingo, Muffin, Winton, and Snickers are in the treehouse with a stack of maps, glittery flags, and juice boxes. A paper scroll marked “Realm 9” hangs on the wall with doodles of a snowman in armor. Snickers: “We’ve been watching Realm 9 for hours. All they do is wander around exploring!” Winton: “Train, train, train... That’s all we do!” Muffin (tapping the scroll): “That’s Frosty Franco. The Wanderer.” Bandit (off-screen, watering plants): “Sounds like a generous sort of Realm.” Unicorse: “Too generous…”

[Scene – Imagination Realm Begins] The treehouse transforms into a frosty mountaintop keep with snowy battlements. Realm 9 is a glowing glacier fortress, guarded by Frosty Franco, a snowman general in a shimmering parka, riding a polar llama. Narrator (Muffin): “Frosty loved to give. She gave him land, draftees, and peace of mind.” Snickers (in a hood): “She has so many draftees…” Winton (twirling a snowflake-shaped sword): “But no troops. And no defense…” Frisky (pulling down a telescope): “It’s time.”

[Scene – Hit Planning Table] The team gathers around a magical snow-globe war table. Winton and Snickers draw up the plan with snow-dust markers. Bingo: “What if Frosty suddenly does train them?” Bandit (now appearing as the Ice Wizard): “Even if he trains… it could still be too late.” Suddenly, the glowing globe flashes red. Snickers: “He trained the draftees!” Winton: “But… look! No walls!” Muffin: “He made it easier! He gave us everything!” Bandit: “Some realms just… love to give.”

[Scene – The Hit] Winton and Snickers sled down a glittery avalanche path, snowblades out. No traps. No guards. Just open land. Winton: “We don’t even need to stab!” Snickers (grinning): “Let’s stab anyway. For good measure.” They poke gently at the snow gates with toy icicle swords. Poof! Frosty’s fortress flips over, revealing Winton and Snickers’ colors. Narrator: “Frosty Franco was hit not once… not twice. By Winton and Snickers. And again the next day.”

[Scene – Quiet Aftermath] Back in the treehouse, everyone’s sipping juice. Winton holds a “Double Victory” badge. A snowman flag quietly droops. Winton: “I kinda feel bad for Realm 9…” Muffin: “Me too. But they were asking for it.” Bluey: “Sometimes... you must hit before they freeze you.” Snickers: “Thanks for the land, Frosty!” Bandit (smiling): “It’s never fun picking on someone… but sometimes the Realm needs brave choices.”

[Closing Scene – Realm Memorial Wall] They hang Frosty’s Realm 9 flag next to others, marked “Biggest Giver.” Bingo: “Do you think he’ll rebuild?” Winton: “I hope so.” Muffin (with a wink): “If he does… We’ll be watching.” Everyone laughs. [End Theme Plays]

Title: "Snickers Rises, Muffin Falls" Episode Length: 7 minutes

[Opening Scene – The Strategy Table at Sunset] The kids are gathered again in the living room, their game board fuller, filled with bright flags and marker paths. Muffin is lying on a pillow, a juice box beside her, looking drained. Muffin (sighing): “I thought I was safe. I had the perfect spread…” Snickers (checking the scrolls): “Wreckage is on the move again.” Bandit (stroking his beard): “Realm 6… tricky business.” Winton: “He couldn’t hit us. But he could hit Muffin…”

[Scene – Imagination Realm Begins] The room transforms into a glowing twilight battlefield. Muffin sits in a tall garden tower, decorated with pink and purple shields. Realm 6, Wreckage, is a sneaky, smoke-shrouded mechbeast creeping along the edges of the map. Narrator (Muffin): “Wreckage couldn’t face our three-headed hydra… but he could bite at the smallest head…” Snickers: “He waited for her to go offline.” Bingo: “She thought I could protect her. I thought I could too…” The Realm glows with soft lights as Muffin waves goodbye for the night, her castle gates gently closing.

[Scene – The Fall of Muffin] Late at night, the glowing scroll flashes red. Bandit (as the Realm Historian): “Realm 7… has been hit.” Bingo (shouting): “What?! But she was barely a 75% target! There were better hits!” Winton: “He picked her anyway…” Narrator (Snickers): “And with that… Muffin fell.” Muffin’s castle darkens. Her banners roll up into the wind.

[Scene – Rising Hope] The next morning, Winton and Bingo are hard at work. A new list of targets glows on the map. Snickers: “We climb now. Together.” Bandit: “Sometimes leaders fall. But others rise.” [Montage – a series of cheerful “Hit of the Day” moments: Snickers using a sparkle cannon, Bingo solving a riddle wall, Winton swinging down on a vine to press the INVASION rune.] Narrator: “And the Realm kept rising. Hit by hit. Step by step.”

[Closing Scene – The Memory Wall] The team hangs Muffin’s Realm 7 banner beside Frosty Franco’s and Al-twixander’s. Muffin (smiling from the couch): “I may be out. But I’m proud of you lot.” Snickers: “You got us started.” Winton: “We’ll finish it.” Bandit: “That’s the Realm way.” Everyone raises juice boxes in a toast. All: “Just one more hit!” [End Theme Plays]

Sly: The early hits were extremely important for our speed. We kept finding solid player hits for all 3 of our main fast attackers. Things were going well, until we encountered our first challenger: Wreckage (Bobbo), the Goblin in 6. Extra was a bit low on DP, but we managed to immediately retaliate with Sizz’s Lizardfolk. Damdred also managed to make a huge hit on one of our fast competitors, the halfling in realm 2.

2025-04-07 21:59:57 Wreckage (#6) invaded fellow dominion Unicorse, death row, vexatious litigation (#4) and captured 65 land.

2025-04-08 08:14:25 Victorious on the battlefield, Bingo, life without parole, decapitating Calypso (#4) conquered 66 land from Wreckage (#6).

2025-04-08 20:01:29 Victorious on the battlefield, Muffin, grand larceny, 20 years (#4) conquered 72 land from The greatest joy of magic lies in searching for it (#2).

Wurst: Contenders for our FA were: #2 Halfer (Disco), #6 Goblin (Bobbo), #9 Lyc and Liz ( SugarJon and HighLow) as well as our main contender #12 Halfling and Lizard (Erix and P@cz). We stayed in the lead with Damdred even taking out #2 Halfer with his Orc. Sizz Liz kept along and smacked #6 Goblin. Sly’s Spirit was getting in position to take over under my cover but had to push quite an inefficient build to do so.

The First Challenger

Sly: As always, my advice is to look big, as big as possible when playing FA. Even though we were barely out of the gate, we were making big moves and our amazing ops team helped us track everything. Wurst got a massive hit on the lead 9 Gobbo, Twix (Soup), who had yet to convert—and who was far from finished having a say in the round. I also then delayed a hit on an explorer in 9 Frosty Franco (who had huge drafts stacked) so that Wurst could follow, giving him back to back large hits.

2025-04-10 15:59:37 Victorious on the battlefield, Winton, 1 year, violating 50m restraining order (#4) conquered 112 land from Al-twixander The Great (#9).

2025-04-11 02:59:39 Victorious on the battlefield, Snickers, 6 months, Overdue DVD Rentals (#4) conquered 97 land from Frosty Franco (#9).

2025-04-11 03:00:15 Victorious on the battlefield, Winton, 1 year, violating 50m restraining order (#4) conquered 74 land from Frosty Franco (#9).

Wurst: After those takedowns, Damdred’s Orc fell a bit behind. The Revenge hit from Wreckage on Damdred sealed his fate sadly.

2025-04-13 06:34:34 Wreckage (#6) invaded fellow dominion Muffin, grand larceny, 20 years (#4) and captured 69 land.

Sly: We were confused by this as Wreckage had pushed huge OP and had much better hits available for more land, but in a classic MERF-realm fashion, desire for revenge outweighed pure improvement/winning chances. Team mcgeeal became an enemy, and we would later exact payment.

Our goal was to finish winning the fast race as soon as possible. Main threats a week in appeared to be 12 Halfer Ulysses (Erix), 9 Lyc (Sugarjon), and Wreckage still training high OP. There were a lot of second tier guys too hanging around still.

Title: "The Wars" Episode Length: 7 minutes

[Opening Scene – The Realm Council Tent (Backyard Fort)] The kids are inside a giant blanket tent labeled “REALM HQ.” A globe made of a beach ball spins on a cereal box pedestal. War plans are taped to the walls, each marked with colored stickers and notes like “blops low” and “Snare time?” Snickers (peeking at a scroll): “There are barely any easy hits left…” Winton: “Bingo and I… we’re done unless we do something big.” Muffin (ripping open a juice box): “It’s time… for WAR.” Bandit (off-screen, doing laundry): “Ooh. That escalated.”

[Scene – Imagination Realm Begins] The tent transforms into a battlefield tent on a stormy cliffside. Lightning flashes behind massive banners as the kids don armor. Realm 4 stands united: Snickers with a tactical visor, Bingo with a magical spear, Winton in his glowing cart-armor, and Muffin with a crown tilted sideways. Narrator (Muffin): “Realm 8 had no real threats. Small blops, scattered troops. They were the target.” Winton: “Let’s hit ‘I Wish We Came Up With a Better Name’!” Everyone groans. Snickers: “Worst realm name ever.” Bingo: “Let’s rename it after we win!”

[Scene – The Declaration] Bandit (as Realm Herald): “War has been declared!” [Cut to global montage: clocks, candles, phones lighting up.] Narrator: “Across every time zone, Realm 4 struck as one.” Kids across the yard slam INVASION buttons. Colored lights flash on the war board. BOOM. A giant “126 LAND CAPTURED” banner explodes in sparkles above Winton’s head. Bandit (reading aloud): “Victorious on the battlefield… Winton, age 1, violating a 50m restraining scroll (#4), conquered 126 land from I Wish We Came Up With a Better Name (#8).” Winton (floating with pride): “That’s my biggest hit ever!” Snickers: “We’re back, baby!”

[Scene – The Turn] Muffin pauses. Her smile fades as the sky grows red. Bingo: “Uh-oh…” Snickers: “It’s Realm 6…” Winton: “They’re declaring war on us?!” Narrator (Muffin): “But it wasn’t about Winton. It was about me… and Frisky.” [Cut to Realm 6: dark, oily clouds, and shadowy blasters marked with “Chaos Ink.” Wreckage smirks.] Bandit (as Oracle): “They come not to stop Winton… but to sink Muffin… and fireball Frisky.”

[Scene – The Struggle] [Montage: Muffin’s realm flickering. Her banner drops. She rebuilds a boat only for it to be sunk again. Frisky casts wild, chaotic spells, fury in his eyes.] Narrator: “Muffin held on for days. But it wasn’t enough…” Bandit (sadly): “Realm 4 still stood… but Muffin was barely standing.” Muffin (exhausted, lying on her beanbag): “I think… I’m out.” Frisky (eyes glowing): “Then they’re next.”

[Closing Scene – The Storm Breaks] Realm HQ is quiet. Winton’s flag is raised high. Frisky silently sharpens a glitter-stick wand. The others sit around the war table, eyes on Realm 6. Bingo: “We won the battle.” Snickers: “But the real war… is coming.” Bandit (from the doorway): “Be sure to save. And hydrate.” Everyone: “Yes, Bandit!” [Slow fade as dramatic music plays. The wind blows across the war board.] To be continued... [End Theme Plays]

Title: "The Halfling's Gambit" Episode Length: 7 minutes

[Opening Scene – The Back Patio War Table] Realm 4 sits in silence. Juice boxes untouched. The snack pile, untouched. Everyone stares at a massive paper cutout marked Eric the Halfling (#12), with angry eyebrows and sticky notes reading "BLOCKS GROWTH," "MAX OFFENSE," and “HATES FUN.” Snickers: “He’s getting closer. He’s… training to max.” Bingo (nervously): “He’s not even going after the Feeders anymore. Just us.” Winton: “But why us?” Muffin: “Not us. You two. Especially… Snickers.” Bandit (off-screen, pouring tea): “Ooh. Sounds like a vendetta.”

[Scene – Imagination Realm Begins] The backyard explodes into a stormy twilight battlefield. Eric the Halfling appears as a shadowy, half-sized knight on a massive mech-mount, draped in scrolls that say “YOU SHALL NOT GROW.” Narrator (Winton): “Eric’s mission was clear. Stop Realm 4. Stop growth. Stop… Snickers.” Snickers: “We can’t hide anymore. It’s send or be sent on.” Everyone looks at each other. Bandit (in dramatic cloak): “Then let the Breaking begin.”

[Scene – The Breaking Moment] Alarms ring across the paper map. Tokens begin flying. Flags flip. Everyone is launching troops. Snickers braces himself, standing alone on the front line. Winton: “He’s going for you.” Snickers (resolute): “Let him. I’ll take him down with me.” Narrator (Muffin): “Snickers made a choice. He knew the round was ending for him. But he could stop Eric.” [Slow-motion montage – Snickers and Eric clash on the table. Dice thrown. Markers scribbled. Stickers fly. Both realms lose land. Eric takes damage… but Snickers is wounded beyond recovery.] Bandit: “Snickers has fallen.”

[Scene – Realm 4 Emergency Council] Everyone regroups. The board is chaotic. Some flags are missing. Snickers lies back on a pillow, juice box straw barely held in his mouth. Winton: “We need a new plan.” Muffin: “Bingo… It’s time.” Bingo nods and climbs onto the map like a gladiator in disguise, holding a scroll labeled “SUICIDE THREAT (False).” Narrator (Bingo): “I would be the bait. The decoy. The noise.” Bandit: “Classic Realm Maneuver… The Great Fakeout.” Muffin: “While Eric watches Bingo… we launch Winton.”

[Scene – Winton's Rise Begins] Winton’s castle glows. Flags shoot into the air. His toy sword pulses with light. Winton: “I’ll carry it. All of it.” Snickers: “You better. My round’s over. But yours… has just begun.” Bingo (grinning): “Let’s make it count.”

[Closing Scene – Realm 4 Banner Wall] They hang Snickers’ realm token on the wall next to Muffin’s. Eric’s symbol flickers below them, marked “Target.” Bandit: “Sometimes you have to make hard calls in the Realm. Give something up… to get something greater.” Muffin: “It’s all eggs in the Winton basket now.” Snickers: “Just one more hit.” Everyone: “One more hit!” [End Theme Plays]

The Thorn in my Side

Sly: Wust continued to make very solid hits in his bid to run. Sizz and I managed to keep up militarily, but Wurst’s land lead would prove decisive. I dropped huge temples to catch 6 Merfolk, Deep Six (InternetFett) as well, who I thought looked very good and would be annoying later in the round if not dealt with.

2025-04-13 18:59:49 Victorious on the battlefield, Winton, 1 year, violating 50m restraining order (#4) conquered 94 land from 🧟HIGANSTOLDAWIN HIGANTE GI TULI ANG DWENDE🧟 (#10).

2025-04-16 04:45:52 Victorious on the battlefield, Winton, 1 year, violating 50m restraining order (#4) conquered 92 land from Aaron Hernandez (#5).

2025-04-16 18:14:17 Victorious on the battlefield, Winton, 1 year, violating 50m restraining order (#4) conquered 95 land from The greatest joy of magic lies in searching for it (#2).

2025-04-18 18:59:58 Victorious on the battlefield, Snickers, 6 months, Overdue DVD Rentals (#4) conquered 112 land from Deep Six (#6).

Wurst: Two weeks in, I had a pretty massive lead — but hadn’t fully pulled the trigger yet. 12 Halfer was still a constant thorn in our side, and 6 Gobbo kept overtraining OP after every hit.

I dropped some specs to hit Zar’s Human in #8 — the hit landed clean. Then I realized: if we can snare him, I can go back-to-back. So we pulled the team together and, for the first time this round, coordinated a snare to set up the double tap.

On the first send, I was technically hittable by a suicide from Erix. But we figured it was worth the gamble — Sly and Sizzler would bite chunks out of him in return, and maybe even me. Plus, our broader plan was to get Sly into the lead, so the risk felt justified. Erix didn’t bite. Yet…

2025-04-21 07:59:54 Victorious on the battlefield, Winton, 1 year, violating 50m restraining order (#4) conquered 146 land from I wish we came up with a better theme (#8).

2025-04-22 01:51:53 ̶T̶h̶e̶ ̶F̶a̶i̶r̶y̶ ̶G̶a̶r̶d̶e̶n̶ Unicorse #1 (#4) has declared WAR on I wish you didn't (#8).

2025-04-22 04:15:12 Victorious on the battlefield, Winton, 1 year, violating 50m restraining order (#4) conquered 126 land from I wish we came up with a better theme (#8).

Wurst: Once I moved out of Erix’s range, he set his sights on our top contender: Sly’s Spirit.

From the sidelines, I had to watch as Sly got dragged deeper and deeper into the DP spiral. With his inefficient build, he didn’t have the staying power to outlast Erix in a slow game. So, Sly made the call: switched back to OP, took a suicide hit from Erix, and hit him right back. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the end of it.

Erix barely stayed within 75%, and his Lizard was quietly massing solid OP too. The pressure kept mounting, slowing Sly down further. Eventually, he had to throw in the towel and deconvert — joining our growing Blop squad for the late game.

Sly: Erix played it really well, despite his goal being obvious to us in slowing Wurst and/or myself down specifically. There were times when he dropped specs and I thought he was surely hitting me, but he didn’t. The difficulty for me in this phase of the round was that personally I wanted to just keep hitting and not defend him, forcing him to trade ASAP, thereby removing him as a threat which would enable either Wurst or I to run earlier. But before Wurst was out of his range, the issue would be that we’d find him a hit, but him going OOR of the halfer would mean it would free Erix up to hit me without Wurst being able to benefit. So we had this back and forth where I’d make a call saying I wasn’t going to defend him, then Wurst finding a hit prompting me to push huge spec DP asap to defend him so that Wurst could hit.

Ultimately it all worked out, though I think I probably mishandled this situation—but give credit to Erix where it’s due. Erix ended up suiciding me after I was already dead (they wanted to be sure, fair enough I guess), but in so doing he ended up feeding both of the very nice looking dwarves… Oh, realm 6 also tried to snare me but I was online and barely got the AC cast off.

2025-04-23 04:59:28 Ulysses STACKED Grant (#12) invaded fellow dominion Snickers, 6 months, Overdue DVD Rentals (#4) and captured 194 land.

2025-04-23 05:11:46 Victorious on the battlefield, Snickers, 6 months, Overdue DVD Rentals (#4) conquered 138 land from Ulysses STACKED Grant (#12).

Title: "Revenge" Episode Length: 11 minutes

[Opening Scene – Dusk in the Realm HQ (Backyard Treehouse)] The team is quiet. The sun is low. Juice boxes are half-empty. A photo of Frisky (with angry eyebrows scribbled on) sits atop a pile of hit reports. Muffin: “He hurt Frisky…” Snickers: “Realm 6… Mcgeal… He didn’t just hit our Realm. He hit our heart.” Winton (adjusting a cardboard restraining scroll): “And now… It’s our turn.” Bandit (somberly, from a camping chair): “Sometimes the Realm gives... gifts. This one’s called revenge.”

[Scene – Imagination Realm Begins] The yard shifts into the Crimson Wastes—Realm 6’s territory. McGeal, now styled as Keel-Haul, a bloated Lycanthrope general, devours glitter-cake tokens under a war tent. Narrator (Muffin): “Keel-Haul was greedy. Blind. He didn’t see it coming.” Bluey (whispering): “He was like the fat kid from Matilda. Just… eating land.” Bingo: “But this cake? It was ours.”

[Scene – War Council at Midnight] All the Realm 4 characters are suited up. Unicorse in a glitter chariot. Muffin, war paint on. Snickers, dual markers drawn. Dishes, wearing a fake Winton mustache and foam armor. Mackenzie, riding a plush battle sheep. And at the front—Frisky, a cloak of fury blowing in the wind. Frisky (glowing red): “He left his castle open. We snare until he’s empty.” Muffin: “You know what that means…” Everyone in unison: “It’s Winton Time.”

[Scene – The Hit of Hits] They surround McGeal’s stronghold with markers. One by one, snaring him. His defense crumbles—dice scatter. Bandit (shouting from the Feeder Tower): “He's at ZERO!” Winton (tearing his scroll): “No restraining order can hold me now!” [The music swells. Winton charges in slow motion. A massive “261 LAND” appears in glowing red numbers above his head.] BOOM. Narrator (Snickers): “Victorious on the battlefield, Winton, age 1, violating the 50m restraining order (#4), conquered 261 land from Keel-Haul, Lycanthrope (#6)... 195.62%.”

[Scene – The Aftermath] Realm 6’s flag falls. A single slice of glitter-cake is left behind. Frisky quietly steps forward and picks it up. Frisky (biting it): “Tastes like justice.” Muffin: “Revenge…” Snickers: “…it’s not for everyone.” Winton: “But sometimes, it’s exactly what you need.”

[Closing Scene – Realm 4 Hilltop] Everyone watches the sunset together, sitting on cushions and looking over the game board. Bandit (gently): “It’s not always about winning. It’s about sticking up for your friends. That’s what makes a realm strong.” Snickers: “Also stabbing. The stabbing helped.” [Everyone laughs.] [The camera pans to the hit wall—Muffin, Snickers, Frisky, Bingo, and Winton. At the top, a new sign: REIGN OF REALM 4] [End Theme Plays]

Episode: "The One That Got Away"

Episode Length: 11 minutes (Epilogue Episode)

[ Scene – Twilight at the Feeder Tower] Everyone is gathered in the soft evening light. The battlefield board contains notes, empty juice boxes, and worn flags. Winton looks proud. Muffin is half-asleep. Frisky is sharpening a popsicle stick with intense focus. Snickers (quietly): “This round was one for the record books…” Winton (grinning): “Back-to-back hits. Dwight. Ho Chi…” Bandit (with a soft smile): “And every round has one you wish you could take back.” Muffin: “It’s time to talk about… the mistake.”

[Scene – Flashback: The Ho Chi Hit] [Quick cuts: scrolls flashing, dice rolls, Winton tracking a strange movement across Realm 9.] Narrator (Muffin): “He was just… wandering around. No Ares spell. No defense. … open.” Snickers: “Was he afk? Was he testing us?” Winton: “We didn’t know. But we had to hit.” BOOM! Victorious on the battlefield, Winton, 1 year, violating the 50m restraining order (#4), conquered 199 land from Ho Chi Minh Mochi (#9). Bandit: “But just as the cheers rang out…”

[Scene – Decision at the Council Table] The group sits in the strategy tent, chalking up hits on the scroll walls. Muffin slams down a red marker. Muffin: “Only one left who can stop us. Jboy.” Snickers: “Then let’s hit Realm 12 again.” Winton: “Let’s go now.”

[Scene – The Fireball War Begins] [Montage of dramatic spellcasting, plushies flying through the air as magical fireballs, land numbers changing, fake flame graphics.] Narrator (Winton): “We started too fast. We forgot one thing…” Frisky: “The barren land…” Bluey (panicked): “We didn’t account for the gryphon nests!” [Cut to Bingo’s castle on the edge of the map, blinking slowly.] Snickers: “Wait—wasn’t Bingo abandoning?” Muffin: “He was. For a holiday…”

[Scene – The Sad Hit] [Quiet, emotional tone. The Realm watches as Bingo’s castle gets taken. A little "Gone Fishin'" sign falls off his door.] Bandit (softly): “He didn’t make it out in time.” Snickers: “But I hope he and his family had an awesome trip.” [They place a “VACAY HIT” sticker on Bingo’s realm.]

[Scene – Desperation and Dwarves] Suddenly, Realm 8’s Dwarf appears, slamming a foam hammer on Jboy’s land. Narrator (Muffin): “Hope came from the mountains…” Frisky: “But if we didn’t stop Jboy, he’d take revenge.” Muffin: “So we had to snare him.”

[Scene – The Great Night Snare] [Clock hands spinning. The stars come out. The kids take turns holding the snare with cardboard scrolls.] Narrator (Snickers): “It was our toughest snare ever.” Muffin: “Bingo was gone. Psy was asleep. Everyone was tired.” Winton: “And then… Mackenzie woke up.” [Cut to Mackenzie yawning and placing a full deck of “Spy Strength” cards on the table.] Frisky: “He saved us.” [Frisky and Mackenzie fist bump.] Bandit (smiling): “It takes a Realm. And sometimes… an early alarm clock.”

[Closing Scene – Sunrise Over the Realm] The group watches the sun rise from the Feeder Tower. They tape Bingo’s photo on the Realm Wall with a note: “Friends leave sometimes. But the memories stay forever.” Snickers: “The round is almost over…” Winton: “But I’ll remember all of it.” Muffin: “Even the mistake?” Winton: “Especially the mistake.” Bandit: “Because that’s how we learn. And next time…” All: “One more hit.” [Final pan over the Realm Board, covered in flags, scrolls, and names—Winton, Muffin, Frisky, Snickers, Bingo, and more.] [End Theme Plays]

Running Away

Wurst: #6 had warred us earlier in the round, targeting our Lyc Explorer (Psychosophy) and Sly — probably thinking back then they had better odds to win the round than a spec-heavy Goblin like me.

But now? It was payback time.

McGeal, their Lyc Explorer, was greedily expanding without proper spy coverage. So we did what we did before.

Hit someone (#12 Merf), push OP, snare for a back to back (#6 Lyc).

With those 2 hits I now had a massive land lead and could build up a ton of DM.

At this point, new contenders started popping up. Realm 9 Goblin Al-Twix (Soup), a converting Goblin, was able to force me into some DP. But he lacked the numbers to grow further within my range. We actually considered his OP overtraining a hidden blessing — it made efficient races in other realms hesitate to send under him.

2025-04-27 14:51:10 I'm thinking about it... (#4) has declared WAR on And now you know (#6).

2025-04-27 19:12:50 Victorious on the battlefield, Winton, 1 year, violating 50m restraining order (#4) conquered 261 land from Keel-Haul (#6).

Then came #3 Dwarf — suddenly a real threat with solid 5:4 and a growing mod push. We saw he was gearing up for a fast acre grab, so we decided to hit him preemptively. Some good old-fashioned fireball spam later, and he never really recovered. Another one off the board.

2025-04-29 19:58:15 Unicorse and his humble servants (#4) has declared WAR on We’re too old for this shit! (#3).

Twin Goblins, and Realm 12

Wurst: #9 Goblin Al-Twix brought in backup: his smaller Goblin buddy Ho-Chi (Tidnab) was edging into my range. Looked like they were setting up a classic pincer. I kept an eye on him and noticed he didn’t cast AC. So i pumped op and the tick before he was hittable, I dumped gem, ore, and lumber into my forge and pushed OP. Broke him AC off — by just 0.1% OP. Later, Tidnab told me they knew I was coming the next tick and planned to bounce me.

Well... you’ve got to wake up earlier to catch an old fox.

2025-05-02 01:28:22 Victorious on the battlefield, Winton, 1 year, violating 50m restraining order (#4) conquered 253 land from Dwight D. EisenPOWER (#12).

2025-05-02 18:01:44 Victorious on the battlefield, Winton, 1 year, violating 50m restraining order (#4) conquered 199 land from Ho Chi Minh Mochi (#9).

Elated by that slick hit, we made a blunder: We declared war on #12 at literally the worst possible moment.

Their Nomad and Human looked like the most threatening endgame contenders — but they hadn’t made a hit in ages therefore sitting on low peasants, dimnishing our fireball damage. Also Sizzler just deconverted hours ago, leaving no op threat versus them.

They reacted immediately and mutualed. Jboy, the Nomad, dropped mass GN + Temples and started ramping OP with noone really close to limit him now since i was oor.

Our big explorers managed to stay safe by anticipating the spike, but Sizz couldnt get enough dp in in time. Knowing he’d feed at least once, he slammed the Abandon button — and we tried to delay the incoming hit with a snare but that didn’t work because Jboy precast his racial and ac well in advance.

Jboy slapped him for an 85% mutual war hit and had the OP to 9h him again. Big misplay on our part.

But just when things looked bleak — #8 Dwarf (Harm) came out of nowhere and whacked Jboy with a clean 100% hit. Left himself open for a retal, but it gave us an opening. Jboy was still our biggest threat. We had to stop the 9h.

The blop pack tried something i thought impossible — snaring him for nine freaking hours. It came down to the wire several times, but someone always logged in with just enough spy power to keep the snare alive and denying him the 9h. What looked like a disaster... turned into a pretty sweet turnaround.

2025-05-02 19:58:53 Unicorse and his loyal subjects (#4) has declared WAR on ABS-olutely I do (#12).

2025-05-02 20:59:13 We'll get you, and your little dogs too! (#12) has declared WAR on Unicorse and his loyal subjects (#4).

2025-05-03 20:59:03 James 6. PACK (#12) invaded fellow dominion Bingo, life without parole, decapitating Calypso (#4) and captured 226 land.

2025-05-03 21:44:24 I wish I had a rabbit in a hat with a bat (#8) invaded James 6. PACK (#12) and captured 245 land.

2025-05-05 05:07:58 The Ancient Library has been destroyed and rebuilt by Realm (#4).

2025-05-05 06:00:27 Bingo, life without parole, decapitating Calypso (#4) has been abandoned by its ruler.

Final Phase: Snares Galore, and Realm 7

Sly: We felt comfortable (maybe except for Wurst) going into the final phase of the round. Yes, 7 looked very strong, but I felt they were simply too far behind at this point to pose a serious danger without EXCESSIVE feeding, which seemed nearly impossible since everyone had been forced to defend Wurst’s OP already.

We started a gameplan of making a snare hit on a realm, then having Wurst leave the guard for a war BF into the same realm afterwards, then rejoining guard. It worked well.

2025-05-05 21:30:26 Can't skip leg day when you have no legs!!! <3 Unicorse (#4) has declared WAR on Don't even think about it (#5).

2025-05-06 04:59:08 Victorious on the battlefield, Winton, 1 year, violating 50m restraining order (#4) conquered 273 land from Timothy Tebowington (#5).

2025-05-07 04:59:10 Victorious on the battlefield, Winton, 1 year, violating 50m restraining order (#4) conquered 213 land from Tony Dickerson (#5). Final Episode Title: "Revenge Redux"

Episode Length: 11 minutes (Season Finale)

[Opening Scene – Realm Wall of Fame (Treehouse Loft)] The kids are taping up stickers of their biggest hits. Winton’s name is everywhere—each one labeled like Pokémon cards: Dwight D. Eisenhower – 253 Land Ho Chi Minh Mochi – 199 Land Donald Pump – 157 Land Keel-Haul – 261 Land Muffin: “There’s just one spot left.” Winton (grinning): “Time to finish it.” Snickers: “Final revenge…” Bandit (off-screen, sipping a juice pouch): “You better make it count.”

[Scene – Imagination Realm Begins] Realm HQ transforms into a storm-charged war tower. Scrolls fly through the air. Lightning flashes over Realm 6, where Keel-Haul (McGeal) hides behind a fortress of bloated spellbooks and draftee tokens. Narrator (Frisky, yelling from a lightning tower): “McGeal was once our greatest donor. But now… we bring final revenge!” Everyone: “WAR ON 6!!” [Flags fall. Lightning shoots from glitter wands. Snaring scrolls fly.]

[Scene – The Snare and the Problem] Frisky, Muffin, and Snickers assassinate McGeal’s draftees like precision surgeons—dice roll. Markers fly. Bandit (as Chaos Clerk): “He’s still barely safe!” Winton (frustrated): “I’m at 5:4. I can’t send more offense!” Muffin: “Then it’s over—he’s safe!” Snickers (suddenly alert): “Wait… what if you release something else?” Winton: “You mean… spy AND wiz?!” Snickers: “You’ll be weak. But fast.” Winton nods. Dramatic music swells.

[Scene – The Genius Play] Winton rips up a spell scroll labeled “SPY” and tosses it into the air. He spins, taps his marker twice, and scribbles “FREE WIZARD” on the board. Bandit: “No one’s ever done this before…” Narrator (Muffin): “In that moment… the math clicked.” BOOM! Victorious on the battlefield, Winton, age 1, violating the 50m restraining order (#4), conquered 316 land from Keel-Haul, Lycanthrope (#6)… 195.62%.

[Scene – The Tower of Hits] A massive holographic sticker rises above Realm HQ: WINTON – 316 LAND – “THE FINISHER” Confetti (ripped tissues), music (Bingo beatboxing), and a long, proud silence as they look over their map. Frisky (quietly): “That’s it. He sealed the round.” Muffin (smiling): “He did.”

Sly: We went back to realm 6’s well yet again, and this hit required a ton of effort and coordination on our part to make happen as the margins were extremely tight.

2025-05-11 00:41:08 GI Joes are for kids. OD is a game for cartoon dogs. (#4) has declared WAR on Cobra Rising (#6).

2025-05-11 00:50:38 Victorious on the battlefield, Winton, 1 year, violating 50m restraining order (#4) conquered 316 land from Keel-Haul (#6).

2025-05-12 00:37:46 Victorious on the battlefield, Winton, 1 year, violating 50m restraining order (#4) conquered 231 land from Skidmark (#6).

We warred realm 7 for the first time as they were the clear late-round threat, doing damage anywhere and everywhere we could with the army of explorers at our disposal. They had a bunch of possible threats: a strong Orc (kongb), Icekin (Lud), up-and-coming WE (Faith), and a Nomad (mdk) who I was concerned would BF into Wurst’s range and then pump GN/temps to limit him while the Orc/Icer hit under us. I thought it was curious at the time that they decided to use the Orc to push 5:4 OP, which effectively meant he would never send again unless he left a ton of OP home. The Icekin basically did the opposite, training enough DP to at times defend Wurst fully and kept hitting with the OP he had. Personally I would’ve been more afraid of the opposite.

We calculated that Wurst only needed one more BF to be clear of their future 8k finisher Gobbo explorer Dark Mines (Gorgh).

2025-05-13 15:35:26 GI Joes are for kids. OD is a game for cartoon dogs. (#4) has declared WAR on There can be no peace (#7).

2025-05-17 02:58:34 Victorious on the battlefield, Winton, 1 year, violating 50m restraining order (#4) conquered 230 land from Barack SWOLEbama (#12).

And that was it! Wurst was the inevitable winner.

Wurst's Acknowledgements

Damdred – You really put together one hell of a team and led with unwavering dedication. You stayed a true captain till the end—always motivating, fully engaged, and spreading that energy to every one of us. Thank you for an incredibly fun round.

Dan – As someone in our realm said: “Easiest round win ever for you” 😅. Just kidding. We liked having you around as our mascot, and I’d still always pack with you. :*

Sly – What a joy it was to pack with you. Great understanding of the game, great tactical awareness. And when I hit a low point, you were the one who pulled me out of the mud.

Sizzler – My OG. I was so happy when I saw your registration and couldn’t believe my luck when Damdred drafted you. It’s always great playing with you. Your ability to read the board and to always remain calm helped me a lot.

DaveTheGoliath – Someone I hadn’t played with before, and I totally fell in love with your style. Proactive, engaged, smart and a joy to talk to. Youre everything one could wish fron a packmate!

Psychosophy – Thank you! I think in a way, you’re the one who sacrificed the most for this win. #6 disbanded 500 spies—you retrained 1,000. You could’ve pushed your exploring advantage, but instead, you decided to go heavy on ops eating tons of blops during our wars. Once again, it was a great pleasure to play with you. Your zealotism against McGeal after their first war on us was a constant source of joy.

Cosula – Feels like you’re a packmate now, with how often we land together! You also went beyond your limits and played a tremendous round. Always there when it mattered—and always ready to throw some fireballs!

Extravadanza – Oh boy. I often forgot you’re a new player because you showed such a great understanding of the game and insane activity. And your meme game even won you Meme of the Round. I hope we play again in the future—it was a pleasure.

Dishness – Also a new player who immediately understood how the game works. You became a full-fledged member of the blop division in no time and needed little to no guidance.

This win was 100% a team win. The amount of activity, engagement, and support everyone in this group brought was something I’ve never experienced before. One person missing and we wouldnt have done it. A big heartfelt thank you to all of you.

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